


Still Unformed

by colazitron



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Getting Back Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 14:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19297828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colazitron/pseuds/colazitron
Summary: Even and Isak broke up a few years ago when Even moved to Germany to attend film school. Now he's moved back to Oslo.





	Still Unformed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MinilocIsland](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinilocIsland/gifts).



> **A/N:** for Raz, who asked for "we dated in high school but then you moved away and now you're back + evak"

It starts at lunch with Sana one Monday.

Well, actually it starts when Isak's best friend's girlfriend makes some new friends when they get to upper secondary and Isak, recognising the loneliness and desperation to fit in in her, agrees to convince Jonas to join their (small) russ bus. Among those new friends is Sana, and despite not having a lot in common, Isak and Sana do have the ambition to get the best grades they can in common.

Somehow they end up study buddies. And then that turns into genuine friendship.

Fast forward a few weeks and Isak meets Sana's older brother and his friends, among them easily the most handsome boy he's ever seen. Isak doesn't think he's ever really going to forget the way he felt when Even talked to him the first time, when they both left the Bakkoush's place at the same time and walked to the tram stop together. Even is such a friendly guy, and Isak was in no way prepared for his easy laugh and the way his blue, blue eyes crinkled up when he smiled. The way he talked with his hands and how he looked at Isak like what Isak was saying was interesting. Isak was instantly, irrevocably smitten.

Fast forward another few months and Even has gotten diagnosed with bipolar disorder, broken up with his girlfriend, missed too much school to graduate, and fallen in love with Isak in return. Meanwhile Isak's parents have separated, his mother has had a mental episode of her own, and Isak has considered running away from home many a time.

Instead he runs to Even, every time.

Somehow, they muddle through.

Even switches schools, and a year later he graduates and makes it into both the five week summer film school in Prague and the International Film School in Cologne for the fall. Isak has never been prouder of or happier for anyone in his life. The summer programme is intense and though they make promises to talk to each other every day, they manage it only three times over the course of the five weeks, texting sporadically in between but always just missing each other.

When Even comes back, Isak… knows. He knows where they're going to go by the end of the summer, but he opts to put it in the back of his mind and enjoy the time with Even he has left. He's pretty sure Even does the same and so they spend their last few days pretending they're not the last. They're pretty much glued to each other's sides right up until the night before Even's flight is set to leave. Everything he's taking with him is packed up in two suitcases and they have a short but painful conversation about the guilt Even doesn't want to feel for leaving Isak behind, about how Isak doesn't want to watch himself fade from Even's life while he builds a new one somewhere he can't follow.

They break up.

Life goes on.

Isak stays in Oslo to study bioscience. Eventually, he wants to go into genetic research.

Sana's brother is still friends with Even, so occasionally he hears that he's doing well in his studies, has moved to Prague to get his MA there, is shooting a film with this and that person that means nothing to Isak until he ends up googling their name a few days later.

Isak dates a boy who studies history and then a boy who studies physics. He almost moves in with a boy who didn't go to university at all but is a pastry chef in the process of opening his own café. That one leaves him for a woman, and Isak figures the universe had been holding that one back long enough. He's just glad he finds out before they sign the lease.

So it doesn't start at lunch with Sana, because it both started and ended a long time ago. But maybe it starts again when she casually pokes at her dessert and tries to seem completely non-chalant (and fails) while saying, “Even is moving back to Oslo.”

Isak halts for a mere second or two before he goes back to his own dessert.

“Oh? How is he doing?” he asks with a smile. There's such a sweet nostalgia attached to thoughts of Even that Isak thinks can only stem from your first love.

Sana looks at him critically, but answers his smile with one of her own when she shrugs and then nods.

“Good, yeah, I think. Elias didn't say much. Just that he's moving back.”

Isak nods, spooning out some more of his own dessert. Sometimes he catches himself in the middle of a mango-and-passionfruit-mousse and remembers the boy who practically lived on junk food he used to be and suddenly feels every moment he's lived in between.

“Actually he moved back last week,” Sana adds, and when Isak looks up at her, she looks so guilty he can't help but laugh.

“Why didn't you just say that?” he asks.

Sana shrugs again, smiling a little sheepishly. “I didn't want you to think I was keeping it from you, it just felt awkward to call you up only to tell you that and we already had this lunch set up.”

Isak laughs again.

“Sometimes you worry too much, Sana,” he teases. “It's been six years. I'm not going to fall apart at the mention of his name, you know that.”

“No, I know,” Sana says. “But none of the news over the years was that he was moving back. I wasn't sure if that was going to be awkward for you.”

Isak shrugs, sucking his spoon clean carefully.

“I don't know either. I don't think so, but I guess I'll run into him sooner or later, if he's going to be hanging around Elias and Yousef and them.”

“So you don't mind if you run into him?”

Isak snorts. “No, of course I don't mind. We're both adults, and anyway, we parted on good terms.”

“You were heartbroken for months,” Sana points out, eyebrows raised sardonically but something gentle in her tone.

Isak smiles and shrugs. “Well, I was barely eighteen and I thought he was the love of my life.”

Sana doesn't say anything in response for a bit, poking at her cake.

“Wasn't he?” she asks and stuffs a piece of cake in her mouth like maybe it'll keep her from saying anything else.

“I think the love of my life is going to be whoever I build my actual life with. I don't think it has to be one person or no one. It's whoever I end up choosing, who chooses me back,” Isak says. “I don't think love is some mystical thing that just befalls you. It's something you make happen.”

“You were just so… unmoored then. It wasn't like that after Theo or Emil or even Alexander,” Sana says.

“Well, Even was my first love. My first heartbreak. You don't know what that's like, because you married your first love,” Isak teases.

Sana rolls her eyes. “Well, fine. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“That's very sweet, Sanasol,” Isak says, delighting in the way she rolls her eyes at the old nickname. “I promise you I'm okay.”

So it starts again then, probably, but Isak doesn't know that yet.

He hasn't been pining after Even for all these years. Sure, he thinks of him fondly and occasionally he wonders how he is, what he's doing, if life is treating him kindly. But they really did split amicably and he figures there's a hefty dose of rose-coloured nostalgia involved as well. There's nothing that really compares to the thrill and fragility of a first love. But Isak hasn't put his life on hold for it, and he's not about to do it now either.

 

Two weeks later he runs into Even in a supermarket. Isak recognises him immediately because he somehow looks… exactly the same. His hair is a little longer and his shoes are more expensive, but there's an unmistakable Even-ness to him. Some essence that Isak can apparently still pick out in half a heartbeat. He's just there, studying a cucumber, when Isak grabs a head of cauliflower to put in the basket dangling from his arm.

He must sense Isak's perplexed staring, because he looks up and then does a double-take himself.

Briefly, Isak wonders how much changed he looks to Even. There's the beard, and the slightly more adult clothing choices, but other than that, Isak doesn't think he's changed too dramatically.

“Isak.”

Even's always had a deep, rich voice. It sounds exactly as warm as Isak remembers.

“Even,” he says back. “Sana said you moved back.”

“Yeah, almost a month ago,” Even says. “I live just two streets over, actually. Do you…?”

“A little further, but, yeah. Around here,” Isak confirms with a laugh stuck in his voice.

Even smiles that amused little smile of his and puts the cucumber in his own basket before running a hand through his hair.

“Wow. I didn't think I'd run into you buying… cauliflower,” he says, glancing down at Isak's basket that's pretty much all produce at this point.

Isak snorts an amused breath.

“I dated a vegan for a while. Some habits stuck,” he says.

Even barks out tiny surprised laugh and then turns away as if to hide it before meeting Isak's eyes with a more polite smile again.

“Time does change people,” he says. Isak recognises that teasing glint in his eyes, and he can't keep himself from grinning back.

But then someone shoulders in between them with a vaguely annoyed “excuse me”, and Isak remembers they're still stood in front of the produce, and he was actually quite keen to get home only five minutes ago.

“It does,” he says.

Even nods and then takes a semi-awkward step back. “Well, I'll let you get back to it and, uh, probably see you around.”

“Yeah, see you around,” Isak says, and turns back to the produce so he doesn't awkwardly watch Even walk away.

 

They do actually see each other around here and there; on the bus or at the supermarket, and even at Sana and Yousef's place once. Isak learns that Even works for NRK now in the freezer isle, that he wasn't really planning on coming back but things worked out that way when a friend of a friend told him of an opening he could apply for. He learns that Even speaks a little German now when he offers a tourist couple some help after overhearing them wonder about milk prices, but hardly any Czech. He learns that he's thinking about adopting a cat because a friend's cat has just had a litter and they're looking to give away the kittens when they're both helping Sana and Yousef repaint their dining room, probably because Even is hoping to plant the idea of a cat into their heads as well.

When Even pulls out his phone to show them photos, Isak knows he's going to fold.

Three weeks later, Isak has a kitten, and Even's new phone number in his phone. He names her Ruth, after an American geneticist, and also because she's ruthless in employing her little claws when she's treading milk against any part of Isak's body. It seems only appropriate to send Even a photo of Ruth all curled up in the middle of his bed, her cat bed basket completely ignored. After all, it's his fault.

Even responds with a photo of Calliope chewing on her own toes and somehow, between cat photos, they start having conversations.

One Sunday, Even sends him a photo of Calliope, now a little more grown, curled up half on his head, half on his white pillow. She's asleep, and Even can't have been awake for very long, judging by the way he's squinting at the camera.

Isak smiles down at the photo, eyes tracing over the sunlight lighting up Even's golden blond hair and Calliope's orange fur and doesn't even notice that his heart is doing a funny little thing until Ruth digs her claws into his thigh a little too hard when she turns around yet again to get more comfortable. He puts a hand on her head and feels her purr when he starts petting her behind her ear, but most of his attention is on his racing heart and the way he can't wipe the smile off his face, still staring down at the photo on his phone.

He's pretty sure he knows where this feeling goes.

 

A week later Even has to go out of town for a shoot for a few days and since Isak is the one of his friends who lives the closest, and has experience with cats, he asks him to check in on Calliope for him. Isak wonders if that's what they are now, friends, when he goes by Even's place in the morning before classes to feed his cat. They've never been friends before. Isak isn't sure he _can_ be Even's friend. Not just because of their romantic history, but because Isak seems incapable of looking at Even platonically.

Even is… he's too handsome, too funny, too kind. Too interesting. Isak isn't sure he can stop wanting more than friendship from him.

As a thank you for taking care of Calliope, Even invites Isak to come over for dinner when he's back, and though he's pretty sure Even meant it as a friendly thing, there's a shift halfway through the night, right before the dessert course and the second bottle of wine. The air between them thickens and Isak suddenly wishes he'd dressed just a little smarter. He keeps having to hold back from stretching his leg out underneath the table to reach for Even's. Even messes with his hair more, laughs louder, barely ever looks away from Isak, and Isak gets drunk on that as much as the wine.

When they say goodnight, Even presses a box of leftover cake into his hands, claiming he can't possibly eat all of it himself. Isak is almost sure it's an excuse for him to bring the box back soon and the way their fingers overlap when he takes it from Even.

He eats the cake for breakfast and posts a picture of it on his instagram. There's too much emotion straining in his chest to keep to himself but too little actual information to tell anyone about. Even is the only one who can recognise it as anything but an unusually indulgent breakfast, and the notification that _ebn_ _æ_ _sheim has liked your post_ thrills Isak enough that he puts his phone down, gets himself a glass of water, and tells himself firmly to calm down.

 

They have five more of these half-dates over the next three weeks. Each one is casual enough to leave room for plausible deniability, but Isak becomes more and more sure that he's not imagining the mounting tension between them, the way their texts get more flirty. Even just happens to catch himself topless in the mirror in a photo of Calliope playing with a toy mouse about as much as Ruth just happened to fall asleep on Isak's naked chest, Isak guesses.

It's a little juvenile, this whole will-they-won't-they game, and Isak knows that sooner or later they're going to have to have an actual conversation about what they're doing, but in the meantime he's enjoying himself. It's _fun_.

Isak hasn't flirted with anyone since his last breakup almost a year ago, and even then it wasn't really like this. Alexander and he got set up on a blind date by mutual friends, made very civil conversation for a couple dates more, and then fell into bed together. Not to say that it wasn't good, but it was a lot calmer than this.

Even puts a hand on his back to guide him to their table at the restaurant. He leans close to point something out on the menu. He tells him the beard suits him. They both duck their heads far closer than necessary to speak in quiet voices. Isak lets his ankle find Even's under the table and doesn't pull away all evening. And when Even walks him home at the end of the night, insisting it's a lovely night for a walk and that it would be a shame to waste it on a taxi ride, Isak leans up to kiss him goodnight on the cheek once they reach his door. He puts his hand on Even's face to hold him still and presses his lips just to side of the corner of Even's mouth.

Even doesn't let him pull away.

He grabs Isak by the arm and the waist, turns his head to the side, and kisses him right on the mouth. Isak's heart hammers away in his chest, his toes curl in his shoes, and it feels exactly like he remembers and entirely new at the same time.

 

At lunch on Monday, Sana regards him coolly over dessert.

“You and Even have been spending time together?” she asks.

Isak tries to shrug it off, but he's pretty sure he blushes a little. “Yeah. Apparently having cats from the same litter facilitates bonding.”

Sana gives him a look that lets her know how full of bullshit she thinks he is.

“I do follow your instagram account too, you know? I've seen the likes and the comments.”

Isak ducks his head and busies himself with his piece of cake.

Sana laughs at him.

“Is it… are you…?” she asks.

Isak takes a bite of the cake to buy himself some time, but Sana waits him out patiently.

Isak sighs but can't help the smile at the thought of Even smiling at him in the morning, Ruth on the bed with them by their feet. Breakfast at Even's place because he has to feed Calliope and Isak has run out of cream cheese anyway. It's far too early to say anything for sure yet, and they still need to have those conversations, but there's certainly _something_ there.

He shrugs and looks up to meet Sana's gaze again. She's already smiling before he speaks, like she can read it on his face.

“I suppose,” he says, “he might turn out to be the love of my life yet.”

 

**The End**


End file.
